Thursday, November 17, 2011

I will never understand why asking isn't enough

I understand getting distracted.

I understand finding something you haven't seen in awhile and it's appeal.

I will never understand why when I ask my children to pick up their things in order to actually get that accomplished I have to yell and get angry.  Why isn't asking them enough? Why must their be an angry exchange? Why? Why? Why?  Why when I ask them why I must yell does my 8 year old gets this smirk on her face which only makes it worse? Why can't they see the open tubs of toys, the toy gun on the floor, the lego pieces strewn about, the doll against the wall, the giant pile of papers etc in the middle of the room? Why do I have to yell?

I have tried every tactic to not yell, pleading, rewards, setting a timer, making it a game. NONE of that works.

When they asked to play the wii and watch tv after school I told them no because they had not done as I had asked Yesterday, and told them they needed to go pick up their stuff. 

They had been in the family room for a long time. I went to check on progress, and they were playing they had done NOTHING! Then I got deer in the headlight looks, "we were suppose to clean up?"

I had been calm (mostly) for 2 days over the mess. This sent me to the point of no return. I yelled. I don't like it, I don't like the way it makes me feel, I don't like the tension it puts in the air.

After the yelling, I hear the kids yelling at each other (see the monster this creates.)

I go to investigate, and Ryan says he's done. I see a whole tub of his toys not put away, so it got dumped on the floor to further indicate the lack of done-ness. That probably wasn't nice, but he became motivated to get his stuff done, he also cried.

Rebecca thought it all mildly funny, with her above mentioned smirk. She lost that smirk when she learned she lost her allowance for continued lack of listening.

I had recently implemented a chore chart. That has not provided motivation. I really don't know what I need to do to make them take care of their stuff, and to put things away.

I am headed back to the family room to see how it is. This has helped dissipate the anger. I am calm again. This is good. The kids tears have stopped. The kids cannot tell me why they don't do what is asked until I yell. I want to figure this out. I don't like it. I don't want them to remember their mom as a yeller.

I think I'll go love on them.


Tonya said...

I wanted to respond to this post because I can remember exactly what that felt like. I was given advice from a plant manager years ago and this worked for me. He said if you want someone to listen to you, lower your voice so they have to stop and listen. Don't be afraid to explain to the kids that their behaviour stresses you out and if they aren't willing to express their love for you and help clean up the mess that you will take matters into your own hands - keeping your voice calm the entire time. Then give them a time limit and explain to them that the next time they leave their things lying around that they will be thrown away - AND follow thru - DO IT, as much as it may pain you, DO IT. This method sure worked for me. They got the message that I loved them but that their behaviour was putting me over the edge and they KNEW I WOULD throw their things away because I DID. Much love, Sis

Autumn said...

So glad to know that this happens at your house too! There is sympathy in my voice. I promise. Because, well, this same scenario plays out in my house as well.
I don't know how to remedy it. We just have to keep keeping ourselves in check. We are ultimately the only being we can control.
Side Note: I have thrown things away of Ainzli's before. A doll stroller. That she got for Christmas one year. There was hysteria. It was liberating. It does help. I digress......
Yah to parenting. And all it brings!